What happens when you are sick, or my excuses for some recent events.

The recent head cold, lingering but on it’s way out, has created some events that I need to document so I remember to not go there in the future.

Event #1: Head colds create a brain fog that sometimes prevents you from noticing certain conditions. Say you know that your daughter’s former golf team is playing at your home course and you decide to take the cart out to catch up with the coach and some of the players. It is wise to first consider: when was the last time you shaved your legs? Now, this question should occur to you BEFORE you leave the house. Not as you are sitting in the cart talking to the coach, thankfully a lady who may not have noticed but might understand. By this time I had been sick for 4 days. I know I had not shaved my legs during those 4 days of being house bound, BUT, the fog I was in prevents me from even being able to tell you when it was I HAD shaved my legs before falling ill.

Event #2: Head colds tend to leave us prone to making bad decisions. Like thinking you can go to Target, in fact you MUST go to Target, because you used the last tissue in the whole entire house, maybe even neighborhood, blowing snot out of your nostrils. And Target has them on sale, so let’s go. Only, you just ran your daughter to school at 7:15 in the AM, the AM, and Target doesn’t open until 8:00 AM, AM! I am so not an AM person. Anywho, deciding to pop into Target is no biggie, unless you forgot you haven’t even showered this AM. Sure, you got up and put on some clothes, but being in a brain fog you have no idea how clean said clothes were. Of course, you don’t notice any unusual smells coming off them. But then again, that head cold thing? Lack of breathing through nostrils is a symptom. Just count your blessings you saw no one you knew, or at least you didn’t notice them. Just saying, if they create a “People of Target” don’t tell me if I have a starring role. Oh, and that box of tissues. Most. Expensive. Box. EVER! $76.00! Some “sale” that was.

Event #3: You try to put the bullion cubes in the fridge. Not a big thing. But, you also tried it with the sugar. And who knows what you actually succeeded in putting in the fridge that doesn’t belong there. I am afraid to look.

Event #4: Actually, this one is in my favorite. Losing your appetite, or basically forgetting to eat because no one made dinner. Oh wait, that’s my job. I have a job? What’s a job? OK, so I wasn’t in that much of a brain fog, but losing the appetite meant I have now lost that extra poundage that health experts tell us helps us in times of illness. I have always said that I was covered if I ever fell ill and lost weight. Now, finding the bath section at Target to use a scale, since I don’t own one, might be why I appear on “People of Target”. Unfortunately, I will need to be ill for a few more weeks to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Oh, you didn’t know I was pregnant? Well, it might be because I haven’t been pregnant in 16 years!

Event #5: Missing your best friend’s birthday party because you didn’t want to inflict your pain and suffering on everyone else. See, I am a saint. I took one for the team. They’ll write dirges about me some day. Oh wait, not dirges, whatever songs they sing to tell of my bravery. Ballads? Psalms? Rap?

Event #6: Using so many cough drops that by morning you end up with red toothbrush bristles. But you don’t even notice it until that evening. And then you are alarmed because you think your gums are bleeding.

Event #7: Hitting over 1000 games of FreeCell played over the course of your illness. I am not lying here! I am sure I might be close to 2000 games. I do know I can solve a puzzle in 82 moves.

Event#8: Not knitting one simple, single stitch in 6 days!!! Today’s not over and I am holding out hope. Not being interested in knitting on simple, single stitch at all. Or maybe just not a simple, single stitch on all the projects you have going. Will. Not. Start. Another. Project! Not!

Event #9: Having a nose that is red underneath white, making it look like you are planning to lifegaurd that day. Only, it’s the red chafed/chaffed/chapped/chaped(?)** nose with a layer of dead, dried, skin on top. Or it could be all the lotion you have lathered on your nose to avoid the layer of dead, dried skin.

I do hope you have gained some insight into the perils of falling ill. Please take any and all precautions to ensure this does not happen to you. Vitamin C and stay away from all forms of life. Even the cute, little, innocent variety. There* the ones you should fear most.

* And not even noticing your can’t use proper grammar! They’re!
** I don’t even care which one it is. That’s how sick I am!


7 thoughts on “What happens when you are sick, or my excuses for some recent events.

  1. I think you shared your cold with me. I’ve got something similar, but I haven’t run out of kleenex just yet (I think that’s because I buy enough for the apocalypse), my mom dropped by In-N-Out so we could eat (I don’t have any kids at college and so I didn’t loose that 3 lbs I could have lost), and knitting is all I could do…so I knit a few rows on my cardi. Other than that…same dang cold.

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