What’s inspiring me today? Not much and yet everything. Right now I seem to see all kinds of knits out in the retail world. And you would think I could find the corresponding style in the knit world. But sometimes it just doesn’t reveal itself. So what’s a girl to do? Reverse engineer it. But then I have all kinds of patterns already in the pipeline. And I feel guilty about not using those. So I search what I have, and then what I don’t, and yet can’t get what I want out of my head.
And then I think of all the time I should be spending on other endeavors instead of trying to create something that’s available for purchase. Or things I could pick from the options I have. It just builds to an oppressive weight. Stop! Take a deep breath. Knitting shouldn’t be a race, an obligation, or a stress inducer. It should just flow from my love of the craft and what I feel like doing at the time.
I think one of the reasons this has bubbled up is the feeling I experienced this week after finishing some obligatory knitting. We were heading to my SIL’s for Christmas Eve and I had NOTHING on the needles to work on while we enjoyed each other’s company. Luckily I had placed some Ella Rae Superwash in my basket to give me a possible project. 4-5 colors and my iPhone 6 to search Rav would surely give me direction. And it ultimately did, but the level of panic I went through was just stupid. So I don’t have a project. Can I not just sit and be? Actually, not so much anymore. There is such a need to have needles in hand that I feel such a loss when a knit piece ends. I know I’m not alone, but I really had not felt this to such an extent before.
Friday night we went to our local hockey team’s game. And I put the knitting in there. And I got to the point of working some decreases. And then I decided, just put the knitting down! Enjoy the family and the game, oh, and bang the cow bell! And I did. And then went we got home, I finished the top, added a pom and called it done, but not because I had to, just because I wanted to. Considering it wasn’t made with anyone in mind, it had no deadline, and no immediacy, I just needed to let it be something I wanted to do, and not something I had to do. And now I have even more I want to do, and I need to decide how much stress I am going to allow myself to feel next year in my knitting. I need to learn the right way to approach the goals and desires. I need to just let it flow.